The Violet Royal Cat

The Meowniverse is a legendary realm entirely populated with cats. Every cat of every shape and every size can be found there, although the one that is probably most sought-after is the elusive Violet Royal Cat, one of her kind, said to be coated in vivaciously velvety violet fur. It has long been postulated that the Violet Royal Cat got her name because she actually rules the Meowniverse in her royal home, the Castle Cat, looking over the catlands on her tower throne made of bricks and sand and threads and dreams, decorated with periwinkle, with walls and banners encrusted with starshine.

It was said that the Violet Royal Cat exudes utmost grace and beauty and exhibits exceptional intelligence— so much so that she garnered unanimous favor from the Feline pantheon, which granted her virtual immortality by bestowing upon her 999×9^9 lives (most cats, and members of the Feline pantheon in particular, use a base-9 number system, or nonary). Which means prospective assassins must successfully kill her 999×9^9+1 times to actually accomplish their mission, if the Royalty’s death is their goal. It will never happen, because the Violet Royal Cat is trained in the ancient arts of ninjutsu, tae kwon do, judo, and Inter-meow-tional Diplomacy. It also speaks 46 languages, including Esperanto, French, Whale, Badger, and 28 dialects of cat including Urban Meow and Siouxsian Purr.

The Violet Royal Cat is guarded by her personal Royal Guard, the Beige Cloaks, 26 hours a day, 7 days a week. It was also often said that in her royal chambers in Castle Cat, the Cathartically Cacophonous Feline Philharmonic Orchestra almost always plays awesome cat music, together with the angelic purrings of the redoubtable MewMeow Choir. They only take breaks to feast, to litter, or if they feel the need to lick themselves.

Despite all the unsubstantiated “witness sightings,” the Violet Royal Cat remains a mystery, one that is probably best left to the imagination, as the Meowniverse is not exactly an easy place to get to.

— A. P.

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